early morning thoughts.

2:30 am and what am i doing up?

wide awake.

i have been laying here thinking about how much my lil mr. magoo has grown.

it doesn't seem fair.

why?

why can't he go back to being my baby?

today i was watching him play and i was floored.

i no longer have a baby.

granted he will always be my baby... but none the less... he has grown up.

how did this happen? i remember the first night we brought him home from the hospital. his father would tell people that i was to nervous to sleep. that i sat there staring at him. but that was not the case. i sat there in wonder that i had finally become what i felt i was meant to be here on this earth. i was a mother. and to be honest i was nervous. i was nervous that i wouldn't be the mother that sweet heavenly child deserved. i was nervous that i wouldn't be able to protect him from harm.

i learned early on that i could not. together my angel child and i have gone through pain. he has saved me from despair. i have learned that love is endless when you have the love of a child. and i have found out that this nervous feeling never goes away.

to night... well i guess this morning really, i have a hard time sleeping because i feel like if i go to sleep i will wake up to a teenage boy asking to take my car or something.

cooper said to me today, "i love you momma. and i like you too."

my heart soars when i am with that kid.