Watching time fly by....

(He used to be SO little in his stroller.)

I can't believe it is already March 2010. My mind doesn't want to accept it. My heart wants to cry. And my body is just too tired to care.



It's hard to explain how I have this feeling that time is flying by and I am just laying here watching it. And at the same time it feels like it was SO long ago that I was a wife. I can't really remember how that felt. That part of my life is such a thing of the past. It was a short almost 4 years. 4 years that feel like they were 100,000,000 years ago! Is that possible to feel like time had flown by in life except one part?



I have wanted to do SO much this year. Last year was a year of trials and heart ache. I don't want that this year! SO I decided to do all the things I have told myself I could never do. I am going to prove myself wrong. And to all of you who know me are trying to figure out how that is possible since I can not be proved wrong? Well I can prove myself wrong. It's like a double jeopardy. OK..... I know I am not always right. But it is nice to pretend isn't it?



And I have to admit that it has been a lot harder then I expected it to be. I am having a hard time talking myself into believing I can do certain things. I hate that I am a broken soul. I hate that I have such little confidence is me. I need to just do it! Like Nike says... Right?



And I will be SOOOO honest when I say that I am NOT good at this whole single thing. I hate dating. I hate not having some to love. and I hate the feeling that I might never have it! And since I am being so open and honest... I hate the feeling of not being enough to love. I know! You don't have to leave a comment telling me that I am crazy! I know you will want to, but it's how I feel sometimes. Maybe I shouldn't share all this.... Maybe it's a good thing I am..... maybe it won't matter in the long run.



I know I am loved by my Father in heaven, my adorable son, my family and friends.... but there is still a couple kinds of love I have never had. And that's hard.



I'm just being honest here people!



Life doesn't tip toe around us. It happens. And it happens whether we like it or not. I am learning from what has happened. And I will learn some more from the next thing that will happen. And the next....and next.... and then one day I will hopefully have learned enough to be where I long to be.



I wonder if time flies by this fast for everyone?

~I woke up this morning to a kiss and a cuddle from my lil man. OH how I love that love. And as I was laying there thinking about how different I felt from last night it came to me.... March! Why didn't I think about it before? Last year I remember how hard March was for me. I thought it would be OK this year... Nope. But while March is a tough month to get through it is also a very special month. I can't forget that March 11th is the day Cooper and I became an eternal family. And that is something to smile about.